Monday, February 8, 2010

Meh

In a word, this is how I'm feeling.
I can feel a shift inside me
A realignment of things
Back to the way they should be.
And yet, I grow impatient.

When will I do the things I dream of doing?  When will I be the person of my best intentions?  When will I read articles about suffering and say, "Okay, I can help with that," rather than feeling overwhelmed and being paralyzed.  I've tried to work it from the outside in, but failure and a kind God have always stopped me.  This is what I mean when I say I feel a shift...God in His vast patience is working on me first.  Not making me perfect by any means...Just helping me surrender to the knowledge that, in His eyes of grace, I already am.

I can't really love until I'm Loved.  I can't rescue until I'm Rescued.  I can't feed the hungry when I'm starving too--I can't give away the very peace, hope, joy and life which I, too, am longing for.  Not yet anyway.

So...God works.

Please don't mind me, I'm talking to myself.