I read this Audrey Hepburn quote the other day while browsing the bargain books at B&N (because you know I can't resist picking up an Audrey book): "Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same."
I guess that's kind of how I feel about New Year's Eve/Day. Every year I think it will be different, and every year I'm disappointed because really...I'm not that different. Oh sure, things change...I change...but in the end, I'm only getting closer to who I was in the beginning anyway. Isn't that kind of what growing older is? In your teens and twenties, you try so hard to outrun yourself...your childhood, your growing up, your big lump of a past...and then in your thirties you start trying to get back. Or maybe it's just me.
Anywho, I realized that I haven't been blogging because I wanted to be this forever-ly over the moon, adventurous newlywed with wit, stories, or at the very least nice pictures to share. I haven't been able to admit to myself, much less to other people, how much it all aches sometimes (and by "all", I pretty much mean life).
I feel so stupid saying this because I know very well how fortunate and blessed I am, but you see...my form of outrunning myself all my life has been holding things in, maintaining an illusion, shutting out life/people/emotions and building up walls. So when I put it that way...maybe it's better just to say what feels stupid. Besides that, I find I am always touched--even encouraged--when people admit that they struggle too. Even (and perhaps especially) when everything looks so rosy from the outside (good job, brand new baby/marriage/adventure...) I guess it's a sigh of relief to know it's not just me.
Happy 2011, everyone. Here's to shedding a few more layers and loving each other in all our different phases.
4 comments:
"Besides that, I find I am always touched--even encouraged--when people admit that they struggle too." <~ This is what I think the power of blogging is. And even if something FEELS stupid, that does mean it IS.
Also...brand new baby adventure???
Haha, I only meant for the job part to refer to my life...though now that I think of it, I guess my marriage and moving adventure are still relatively brand new!
I think this is what life is all about. Finding out who we are through the everyday stuff. We all struggle with life, trust me! I think you are exactly right when you say we spend our teens and 20's trying so hard to outrun ourselves, trying to be someone else. And then we get to our thirties and realize that person we have been running from really does have something special to offer the world. You are not alone, Lovely.
I always love hearing what you have to say wether it is witty or not (and I have yet to hear you write or say anything that isn't witty and well thought out.) You are worth so much to the people around you. You are treasured just as you are.
Thanks, Lori. I think you have the gift of encouragement : ]
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